Winning The Battle
With Cancer
Male Testimony
I Live For Me, literary meaning that I live for myself, not for my work, not for my responsibilities, not for anyone else, whomever that may be… It may sound egoistic, but I had to learn the hard way.
When the results came back declaring that I had a tumor in my testicles it felt like a big black hole just opened up under my feet and swallowed me. My heart was racing, my head felt weak and I couldn’t breathe. The doctor proceeded to inform me about surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, but at that point everything was a blur.
How could it be possible? How could I have cancer? Cancer is equivalent to death – at least that’s what I had known. I didn’t want my life to end there. I didn’t even want to think about it. I didn’t have time.
I had planned a beer, pizza and football night with the guys. The next day I had an important work meeting, and next month I had a whole new project to hand in. And then comes the holiday season and I promised my wife after so many years that I would take her to Paris.
I was starting to think that the doctor we had visited in the past was right in saying that I should have frozen my sperm. I still haven’t had a child and now I’m at a dead end.
Isn’t it crazy how one minute you’re the one deciding that you don’t want to have children and in the next minute something is revealed and it limits your chances of having a baby. On the one hand I feel terrible but on the flip side of the coin maybe it would be better - at least I wouldn’t be leaving a child without a father with the way things turned out.
I kept thinking, what do I do now? How do I tell people at work? Could I work from home? What about my family and friends? All these questions were just flying around in my head. In the end I felt that I should just hide what is happening and not tell anyone about my condition.
Unfortunately things were not that easy. It started with headaches, dizziness, nausea, exhaustion… then my hair fell out and I looked miserable. There were certain days that I was not my self at all. I was also affected by the reaction of those around me. Once there was a man who didn’t want me to shake his hand, as he was scared of catching the disease…
Luckily I had a good support group around me however the day-to-day battle meant that at times I felt completely alone.
Soon enough I realized that I was 38 and still wanted to live. I had so many things that I wanted to do. This helped me gain all the courage and motivation to keep on fighting.
This battle helped me understand that there were countless more people battling and fighting for their life just like I was. It was so important to know that you are not alone.
Once the treatment was completed I was informed of the good results. Along with the power we all hide within us came inspiration from others who were in the same position as me. It is so important to speak to other cancer survivors as they give you the hope you need to battle this disease and come out as a winner.
Nowadays, I get checked every year because prevention is the best treatment. I learned to live with cancer and at times I thank this disease for helping me put life into perspective.
At 47 I can say that I am proud to have fought and won my battle with cancer. Now, I live for me as I try to enjoy all the small pleasures of life that make up my magical journey.
Female Testimony
Nights out with friends, carefree walks in the park and then a cold that never seemed to end… Then came the swollen glands, weight loss, which at the time felt good, followed by fever, a persistent flu, night sweats, and the hospital.
The first diagnosis was confusing. The doctors said that they could see something but they weren’t sure what it was. They sent me to a different hospital.
The symptoms of the flu started to subside however I wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital yet. I couldn’t understand why. I would pace up and down the hallway, talking with other patients. Then the results came back stating: Lemphoma. What was this? Did this mean cancer? What can anyone say about that moment, about that second where you have just understood what has happened. Whatever anyone says is definitely not enough to describe the fear and the discomfort and pain you begin to feel from within. The first thing you think of is “why me”?
After several days, weeks or months do you begin to find the courage to take the next step. You get into that whole mindset of trying to find this ‘supernatural’ power from within to overcome this disease. You don’t have another option. Your only resort is to follow the guidance of your doctors so that you finish with this disease as soon as possible. Do what you need to do so that you can go back to your routine. A routine that you once took for granted and complained about.
As soon as I started chemo things got really tough. I just wasn’t myself. I felt like I wasn’t in the mood for anything, I didn’t want to see anyone or do anything. I got to the point where I didn’t even want to taste water. I felt lonely, sad and angry. But why me? I hadn’t done anything bad to anyone and I was only 23 years old!
My hair started to fall out so I shaved my head. The reaction of those around me was annoying. They were all treating me differently because I was sick. As if treats would make me feel better! I refuse to be sick for the duration of the treatment and the years that follow. I just wanted people to leave me alone. Aside from losing simple everyday rights that I used to have, I also lost my self, appearance-wise, as I wouldn’t recognize myself when I looked in the mirror. Was this too much to ask for? Is it too much to want to hear the words “you’re beautiful” from your loved ones? I don’t want to be sick any longer, I just want to feel pretty.
Simple things that I used to take for granted seem almost impossible to do. How much more can you take from constantly trying; pain, exhaustion become my new routine.
Once the chemo treatment was completed the results where more than pleasing. My skin color was restored, my hair started growing again, and I was able to go back to my routine. The person within me didn’t change and life didn’t go back to where I left off. I managed to find my balance again but closer to fear this time round. My body healed. 10 years later I am proud of myself for getting here. I work, I have fun, and I live every single moment of my routine. I have a life that I love, and a routine that I always enjoy to the fullest.
We would like to thank Stella Stavropoulou for the editing of the passages.